Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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