Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
