Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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