omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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