I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
