i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
