...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
