you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
