Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
