Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The uberlube is also flammable
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
