I accidentally had phone sex last night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
