Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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