theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
