Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
