This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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