You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
