At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
