party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
