Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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