I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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