seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
