The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
