So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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