If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
two words...techno handjob
Be still, my beating vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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