I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
