He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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