So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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