She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
