Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
