We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
