ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
