Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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