Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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