I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
