Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am one with the molecules
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
