I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
