We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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