They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
