No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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