bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
