He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We don't watch enough power rangers
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize