What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
