Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
