he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think people are normalizing furries
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