it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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