I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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