: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
