I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
