found the other keg... it's in the tree
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
