I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
