dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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