You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
