Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
