heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
