Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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