OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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