So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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