Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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