i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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