wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
